Mind Management: Fake Happiness

Is This You?

Fake Happiness. What the What. Pretty sure this is not a properly termed condition. But, this shit is for reals. It happens. A lot. Daily. People float around all day long emitting rays of sunshine. When on the inside they know there is something missing. If this is all sunshine and butterflies, stop this train and let me off. Please!

Are you walking around all day with a big fat smile on your face but on the inside your not smiling? You can change this.

Faux Sunshine and Butterfly Train

All aboard! I have been on this faux sunshine/butterfly train. Not a very enjoyable ride. Taking notice that something isn't quit how you want it to be is the first move to getting off this train. 

Sunshine and butterflies are two of my favorite things but when they are representing faux happiness to others - you included -  then it just kinda sucks the life out you. Time to ask the the Train Conductor (you) when is the next stop cause you want off of this train.

Giving Yourself Permission

You can't look outside yourself for happiness. I know, what the hell does this mean? This my friends is the meat to this happiness pie - Joy and Happiness. Joy and Happiness come from what's going on in our mind. You have to give yourself permission to be happy. You sure don't mind giving yourself permission to be miserable, jealous, hateful, lonely, sad, grumpy, resentful....... 

Here's another punch to the gut.....  Happiness does not come from purchasing, owning, collecting stuff or having a hot body or a hot partner or having a huge house and hot little sports car. Nope. Sorry to burst your bubble. Really I am...well...not really. Sorry I'm not sorry. Just stating some facts.

Learn how to appreciate the moment you are in NOW and if they include some of the above mentioned things well then WOOHOO for you. Rock it!  Stop trading this moment for future or past moments.

Stop denying yourself present happiness thinking only the future will give you your happiness...like  when you have all your ducks in row and all your junk collected.  

I've met a lot of people that have STUFF and these bitches are miserable and they want everyone around them to join in on this miserable trip. Don't do it. Walk....No.... run in the other direction.

Story Time

Got a little story for ya. A couple years ago I was at a place in my life that I started to think about purchasing a home. I really wanted my own place. A place that I could decorate and do whatever I pleased. I had been divorced for a long while and had a couple of long-term relationships where I had moved into their place. Living in another persons space did not allow me to decorate (which I love to do and I'm pretty darn good at it). Guys can be toads sometimes.

Anyhow. I really wanted a cute little brick bungalow. But. I started telling myself all kinds of trash thought crap...... I probably haven't been at my job long enough. I don't make enough money. My credit is not good enough. So, my plan was to not start looking for a house but to start saving some $$ to be better prepared.

More To This Story

Well, that's not what happened. My daughter helped me empty the trash thoughts and encouraged me to go forward with purchasing my little dream home. A few days after emptying the trash I found a super cute brick bungalow. Fell completely in love with it. Went to the bank (super nervous I was). Got approved. WHAT! I pretty much hyperventilated right then and there. Put in an offer. Offer accepted. Closed. Moved in. Love. Love. Love my little bungalow.

My house is definitely my HOME. I could go on to say that my house makes me happy. But really it's not the house in and of itself but how I think about my house and what feelings I have. When I'm home I'm relaxed. I create. I sit and listen to music. I hang outside and watch my dogs run around like crazy chasing the squirrels who love to torment them. I love my flowers and watching and waiting for my strawberries to grow. I love being me. I don't fake happiness when I'm home or anywhere else. I definitely had a case of Fake Happiness when I lived in the other homes and at other times of my life. But not now. Nope. No way.

Where Is Happiness?

Happiness is with you always. Really. It is. The moment you decide to be happy no matter what happens is the moment you have stepped of the Faux Sunshine and Butterfly train. 

Time to see and experience the sunshine and those beautiful butterflies in a real happy moment. I'm not and certainly don't believe you can be happy 100 % of the time. What. Isn't that what I've been preaching about for the last few paragraphs. It's healthy and a must to experience all emotions. Including sadness, anger, disappointment, regret.....blah, blah, blah. 

It's the action we take when we have these types of feelings that will present you with positive or negative results. 

So, there it is.....it's up to you what result you get. If you truly want to be angry about something.....by all means be angry. But, be angry then let it go. Accept it. Let. It. Go. Move forward. Let it be in the past. Don't pack it in your suitcase and haul it around.

Time For a List

This is the time where you need to sit in a peaceful happy place and really think about your happiness and what it means to you. 

  1. Is it sincere?
  2. Is it not sincere?
  3. Are you really faking it? Some of the time? All of the time?
  4. If you're sincerely happy at times, when are those times?
  5. When you're unhappy, what is the cause?
  6. What is it that makes you feel happy?
  7. What are you missing in your life?

Remember, happiness is a feeling related to a thought. And, so is sadness.  You are in charge of your thoughts. Think back to the model that you learned about in the beginning of Mind Managment:

  • Circumstance
  • Thoughts
  • Feelings
  • Actions
  • Results

Being in charge also means that if there are things/people that are bringing on the unhappiness, you may need to consider makes some other changes in your life. 

For instance, if going to work is so stressful and you are not loving your job/career and its become a dread to even think about going to work. Then maybe it's time for a change in your job/career. 

Look for a job that is fulfilling and enjoyable. A job/career that you love and look forward to and that is rewarding. You're paying the bills and loving what you do. Never. Ever. Think you can not make these changes. You are in charge. 

Of course, if you're married/in relationship discuss with your partner before coming home unemployed. Because, I know first hand experience this is not a good discussion to have if the other is not aware of your plans. Plan together. Please.

Don't Jump Off of The Train Yet!

You may not even to need to change job/career, partner, friends, hair color....hehehe. You may just need to change your thoughts to the circumstances that arise. 

I suggest you start here with your thoughts. Try it on for awhile. Make changes to your thoughts as necessary see how these changes evolve around you. If it still isn't quit right for you make the next necessary change. The circumstance.

For example - if someone irritates you.....figure out what is it exactly that irritates you and work it out with yourself. So get this in your head.....other people don't feel your feelings towards them. It only affects you. Your thoughts. Result in your feelings. Then you act upon those feelings. It's all you. Time to take responsibility. 

Do you have any control over what the other person is doing? Maybe...if they are tapping their pencil on the desk non stop, you certainly can ask them NICELY if they wouldn't mind not tapping their pencil. They may not even realize they are doing it. 

But other things may be their personality. And, YOU do not have control of their personality. Everyone is different in some way. That's what makes us unique and the world not so boring. Shout out to my desk mates at work....you are not this person....so stop freaking out. Calm down. No trash thoughts. Okay?! Love you!

Enjoy and Let Go

Start enjoying things you love to do. Be around people that make you laugh. Do something adventurous. Smile. Smile. Smile. Wear something sassy or get a sassy hairdo. Enjoy the skin your in because it's all you'll get. Be nice. Be a joy to be around. Sing out loud in your car. Dance around your house(and who cares if someone sees you).  Be happy. Love yourself. Love others. Love life.

Love you guys. I'm so proud of you for taking this journey to improve your life. You get one life, so rock it like a Superstar (hands in armpits and all).

xoxo Tisa

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