Stress is such a little bitch. With a loud voice. Doesn't take no for an answer. Lingers when not asked to stay. Just like you I've had all kinds of stressors come and go in my life just like a collection of bad and good music. Some I could calmly listen to and walk away from while others screamed so loud plugging my ears didn't make it go away.
Be A Sassy Bitch
Stress robs the quality of your life. It takes and takes till you crumble...or turns you into the biggest bitch on this planet. It's one thing to be a Sassy Bitch but to be a bitchy bitch is not so appealing. I'm here to guide you out of your bitchy bitch self and point you in the direction of your Sassy Bitch self. This will be a journey through hell I assure you but once you slam the door in stresses face you will be refreshed and ready to go.
While hiking in the breathtaking mountains in Santa Fe I decided spilling my guts about my past and how it evolved into the amazing life it is today is what will help you kick this stress thing in the butt. Life can really suck sometimes. Pretty dang bad even. So bad there are days you drag the covers up over your crazy bed head hair and scream a long silent scream. A scream only you hear. Damn, that is one loud scream.
Then you let the covers fall onto your face and you whine a little. Finally, when you know you just can't stay like this one minute longer you toss those covers to the side and say...... SHIT. OK. I'm up. Here's to another F'ing fabulous day.....said in the most sarcastic voice you can muster that early in the morning. Give me some coffee. NOW!
No Way. No How.
I know for a fact, I'm not the only one that has gone through this crazy little routine.......
I knew deep down in my soul that this truly wasn't how I was suppose to be experiencing life. No Way. No How. I just couldn't except this to be true. I wasn't going to except this to be true. And.....you shouldn't either.
Then Life Throws You A Curve Ball
I know one particular event in my life that forced me to make changes with how I processed my thoughts and feelings......my stress. The life changing event took place about the time of my first...yes, first...divorce. At this time in my life I was stressed beyond stress. I was in a constant emotional upheaval. You know the kind.
I was about to become a single mom to my sweet precious little girl. This mama bear was thrown into survival mode to the max. Then I was admitted to the hospital with 105 temperature, chills, sweats, and abdominal pain on the left. Oh, crap.
For nearly a week the docs could not figure out why I was so sick and in so much pain. Then the diagnosis came. Thankfully, all I had going on was an issue with my kidneys. Serious but manageable. Apparently my kidneys get pretty cranky when I get stressed. My urologist recommended to drink ONLY filtered water, my kidneys was having difficulty filtering all the metals and chemicals our tap water consist of especially when I was stressed. He also stated.....pretty darn firmly....I needed to find an outlet to deal with my stress, my good ole kidneys are not a huge fan of stress.
Since then I only drink filtered water. And that big bad boy STRESS.....well..... I learned how to cope with it and whatever came my way. Doesn't mean that I excepted what stressed me or that I liked it. I learned how to NOT let it control me. I also learned there are many things not in my control, so I just let them go and move on. I try my damnedest to release my stress quickly and not go back and dwell on it.
Things That Worked For Me
In most accounts I have been able to maintain my stress levels to a very low hum. When I find that I am unable to release a nagging thought that's trying to lead me down the worry path I will do one of several things that I have found helpfull. I will either grab a book and stick my nose in it, I will exercise.....hiking, yoga or strength training. I have recently been able to calm my mind long enough to meditate. I also love to work in my flower garden or you may find me rearranging my house.
I blog to help others help themselves through these life crippling events. I have met so many wonderful people who share their story with me. About their struggles with getting out of bed EVERY day. Their struggles to make decisions. Their struggles to stick with something. Their struggles to see the good in their life. Their struggles to simply put a smile on their face.
These tearful chats have really made an impact on my life. I offer advice, encouragement, and solutions to help clear the clutter in your mind and help you get back to living the life you are meant to be living.
Don't Give Up......EVER
My urologist all those years ago gave me the best advice ever. However, he did not give me the tools I needed to help me with the fitful thoughts filling my head. I would love to say I was able to figure it out instantly. But, that would be a lie. Transitioning from a stress holder to a stress releaser took me a few years to master. Trial and error ladies and a lot of frustration. My experiences dealing with stress and what I have found to help decrease the impact stress used to have on me will be a huge benefit to you.
What Do You Mean You Haven't Read Mind Management Yet?
I have previously discussed (in Mind Management) how your thoughts of a circumstance create your feelings about that circumstance which determine your actions leading you to your results. If you haven't read any of the past post now would be a good time to click on Mind Management and get caught up. You will find a ton of awesome information that will help get you on your journey to clear your mind to change your mindset.
Finding ways to deal with my stress was very difficult for me to do in the beginning. But lucky me....(being totally sarcastic here)... I was given plenty of opportunity to improve my skills at deflecting the stress and its effects. The more I was pushed the better I got. You will too. You will become strong enough to face circumstances and make decisions without a full blown meltdown. No matter what the stress is. I did. You can.
As a single mom dealing with the ex and all the debt I was left with was a lot for this chick to handle. Even back then (before I read any self help books) I would prioritize my stress. Stress from having a shit ton of stuff to do was a constant. To make this more manageable I would make of list of everything I needed to get done for the week and then I would break it down to daily task. Putting a line through an accomplished task made me feel good...like I was getting shit done.
For the debt stress I made goals of how much I could pay and would follow it without dwelling on the whole picture (the amount of debt). I would break it down to what I was able to tackle monthly and would focus on making those payments and not about how much was left. Sadly, I ended up filing for bankruptcy. Wasn't happy about filing but you gotta do what you gotta do. Knowing what I know now I probably could have avoided bankruptcy but I was trying my best at the time to make a good life for my daughter and I. Eliminating that particular stress helped me tremendously. I will discuss how I improved my debt and my credit score in a future post.
Dealing with people I believe is the most difficult stress. Still manageable though. This is what I do when a stressful situation rears its ugly head. I ask myself these questions.
- Do I have control over the situation?
- How does this impact me?
- Do I really need to be involved?
- Is the situation/circumstance in fight or flight mode? If is is wait till things are calmer then reassess.
Some people are just big ass drama queens. Don't get sucked into their crap. We have the ability to control our emotions. We don't have the authority to control others emotions or how they respond to stress. Using the questions above I have been able to mentally excuse myself from a lot of stress. I simply don't take any ownership over the stress around me. Stress bounces off of me like I'm wearing a stress-proof suit. I'm not saying I don't ever feel a little stress at times because I most certainly do. I handle it waaaaaay better now.
Here are some tips to help you when you're faced with stressful circumstances.
- Use a journal and write in it often. Get the stress out of your mind so that you can think more clearly about the stress and decide on a solution that works best for you.
- Talk things out with a good friend. Most likely your BFF has dealt with something similar and can give you good advice........not tell you what to do just help you throw around some solutions until you find one that works best for you.
- When stress hits don't respond to it at that moment. Know what the stress is and return to it a little later when you have calmed down the fight or flight button that was just triggered.
- Make a list and set some goals with deadlines. When you get all those millions of things you need to do out of your head and onto paper it frees space for thinking of solutions and getting shit done.
- Make yourself accountable for your actions. If you respond to stress with a bad decision or not getting one damn thing done on your things to do list then girl you're not getting Starbucks today. Okay. Accomplishments = Starbucks.
- Don't let others control you. Don't let a shit ton of work control you. Don't let stress win.
- Make yourself a schedule and stick to it. A schedule for everything. Here are some examples of what you should consider to schedule. And yes, actually write this appointment for yourself in your calendar book. This will be a lifesaver for you.
- Weekly meal plans with your grocery list of items for your meals
- Checking your social media and how long you'll give yourself to be on it
- Spending time with family
- Spending time with friends
- Walking the dog
- Responding to emails
- Writing on your blog
- Cleaning house
- Chill out time
- Date night
- Soak in a hot bath with calming lavender.....optional glass of wine or two.
- Breathe. Deep full belly inhale through nose and a full exhale through mouth. Several times. Clear your mind and focus on your breath.
- Get 8 to 9 hours of sleep and drink 1/2 your body weight in ounces daily. Eat good clean food. NO MORE fast food. In a future post I will discuss stress and how it effects your weight and health.
Changing your mindset and how you think about a situation is your first step to decreasing stress and to start taking action. And you my friends if you haven't already read all about Mind Management get your butt over there to the categories section on the right and click on Mind Management and get caught up. You will find a shit ton of info to help you with stress and setting goals.
You know it takes a village to raise a child well ladies its take more that one blog post to birth a Sassy Bitch. Read. Read. Read.
If you have any questions and I'm sure you will, shoot me an email and lets talk about it. I want you to succeed in your life. I want you to feel comfort from your surroundings. I want you to be able plant a smile on your beautiful face. I want you to laugh easily. I want you to love easily. I want you to welcome love into your life. I want you to read Mind Management.......#sorryimnotsorry....thought it was starting to get a little too mushy.
I do want these things for you. You deserve all of them. You are amazing.
Follow Stress Management for more stress related issues you face daily. Tools to guide you will be added to the library as I get them all fancified for you.