It's that time of year again.
When "LOVE" is all hyped up to be this magical romance about two people gazing into each others eyes with promises of LOVE forever. The commercials prove that is true. Right?
The Truth Sucks
LOVE.....well she is a complicated little BITCH.
Find LOVE and you'll be happy........they said.
Find LOVE and your life will be complete........they said.
Find LOVE and everything will fall into place........they said.
Okay. I getcha. Sounds simple.
I fell and I bet you have too.
I fell hard for those words of encouragement as I was seeking someone to LOVE and LOVE me in return.
Beware Of Love Wisdom
The problem with this LOVE wisdom that people are so eagerly to share is it's a big huge pile of hot steamy dog poo.
Here's the reason.
You fall head over heals in LOVE then after a few months or years things go bad.....REAL BAD. Now you have shattered dreams and a broken heart.
Those eager wisdom givers NOW have more wisdom to share.
This failed LOVE has taught you lessons......they said.
You'll know what to avoid in your next relationship........they said.
You're a stronger person because of this broken heart......they said.
Love Recipe Is A Fail
This LOVE recipe they're selling boils down to........
- Find LOVE
- Everything falls into place
- Now you're complete
- Lose LOVE
- Now you're wiser
- And stronger
- And ALONE
This recipe can be sent back to Betty Crocker because it's a bunch of crock.
Finding LOVE doesn't make you complete, whole, wiser, stronger.........Nope! You can be all that without finding another to LOVE.
I Am NOT A Bitter Woman
Now all of you LOVEBIRDS don't get your panties all bunched up. Stay calm. Let me finish before you call me names and say I'm just a bitter women.
Let me say this........ LOVE is wonderful. I know. I just punched LOVE in the face and now I'm all giddy about it.
What I'm talking about is.....you must LOVE yourself first before you can truly LOVE another.
To LOVE yourself you need to:
- Forgive yourself
- Accept who you are
- Accept decisions good or bad you have made in your life
- Stop shaming yourself
- Take responsibility for your feelings
- Stop living in the past
- Speak up
- Be willing to surrender
- Be proud of yourself
- Think positive about yourself
- Know you are enough
Let It Go
When you are no longer hung up on your failures, your short comings or your pain you will be in a better position to LOVE another. Once you start to LOVE yourself and stop hiding behind your "lessons learned" you will find that loving another is easier and more enjoyable.
There's a catch though. LOVE is work.....very hard work.
Too many times people fall head over heals and tell the world they have found their soul mate. All of that can be true. But. If you don't water a plant it will die. Same goes with your LOVE. Even the soul mate kinda LOVE.
I'm not saying go and perform daily baptisms on your lover. That won't get you anywhere....well, maybe singlehood. But that's not what we're trying to accomplish.
Loving Yourself And Others
The steps to loving yourself can be woven into your love for another.
- Forgive yourself and others
- Accept who you are and accept who others are
- Accept decisions good or bad you have made in your life and accept others decisions good or bad that he/she has made in their life
- Stop shaming yourself and others
- Take responsibility for your feelings and STOP taking responsibility for others feelings
- Stop living in the past....um, don't have anything here
- Speak up and allow others to speak up
- Be willing to surrender and acknowledge when others have surrendered
- Be proud of yourself and others
- Think positive about yourself and others
- Know you are enough and that is good
See I'm not a LOVE hater. But no one gave me the whole picture of what it takes to LOVE another. Pretty sure most people don't really have a clue how this LOVE thing works.
So, I failed. I failed miserably.
Being Vulnerable Is Scary
Loving another leaves you totally exposed. Puts you in a vulnerable position. That's how I felt. Vulnerable. So I started building walls to protect myself. Once that happened the LOVE was doomed because I pretty much shut the door and didn't allow anything good to come in afraid I would be further exposed.
What I didn't realize was I didn't really LOVE myself. Oh, I thought I did. But I didn't. I was holding on to events I had no control over. Negative feelings that should have long ago been released. Doubts that had been simmering in my mind and heart. This is certainly a recipe for bitterness.
Learning To Love
I learned to LOVE myself and accept my life as it is. I learned I and only I can make changes in my life. I learned that I have control to decide how I want to live my life. I learned to put ME first. I learned to say NO. I learned to stop saying "whatever". I learned that I'm a pretty awesome woman. I learned to be proud of me. I learned to LOVE myself so that I can LOVE another.
With all of the self LOVIN going on my heart grew. Grew big enough to allow others in. To allow for mistakes. To allow for happiness. To allow myself to SHINE.
Sounds like a pretty simple concept. But.....my sweet and lovely friends it's not. It's work. But the more I work at it the easier it gets. I'm breaking old habits all the time. I'm making some pretty great new habits. I am in LOVE with myself.
When you decide to LOVE it's a life long job. It takes dedication. It takes patience. It takes you on the best ride of your life........if you will allow it to.
Your Love Feeling.....Meh
If you find your LOVE life is not what you thought it would be take time to evaluate YOU. Remember you only have control over changing yourself...not anybody else that's their job.
Are you holding grudges, anger or resentment towards someone or something? Let that shit go. It's the only way to move past what is holding you back from LOVE and your DREAMS.
Tomorrow I will continue this LOVE topic with tips on how to overcome your LOVE speed bumps.
Be Amazing. Love Yourself.