Self-Love Is Your Responsibility

Don't short change your happiness by falling short on showing yourself self-love. Head over and see what I'm chatting about on the blog at www.theonyxfeather.com/blog

Definition of self-love: self ˈləv, noun

  1. regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).

Interesting how closely related self-love can be to narcissistic behavior. It's like flipping the coin. You either love yourself and are able to love others or you love yourself.

Narcism is a whole other topic for another day when I have the strength to jump on that emo train.

My last post I gave some of my own insight on the topic of self-love and I feel that I gave it a vague meaning....and well to be honest a half assed meaning to self-love. I sorta cheated the whole self-love concept. By that, I mean that I was focused on what one can go and do for themselves that I completely missed the biggest and most important part of practicing self-love.

So I again posed the question to whoever was listening and this is what I further gathered. My very dear and wise friend Nicki poked me and reminded me that self-love is more than buying ones love. She stated, for her self-love is learning to love yourself, accept who you are, learning and loving who you are and your self worth.

Nicki is exactly right. We can hit the salon, buy a new trinket, or pamper are selves all day long but if we haven't excepted ourself for who we are and haven't learned to love ourself...flaws and all then all of those special activities we are treating ourself to will not feel like a beautiful fulfilling treat if we don't love ourself.

Having a positive opinion about yourself and being confident about who you are is the foundation to self-love. To happiness. To growth.

Where do you begin in this self-love journey? What does it look like? Sounds kinda woo woo.....maybe a little.

You can start with changing your thoughts and the words you use to describe yourself and your accomplishments. Begin replacing negative words with positive words. Give it a try tomorrow. Go all day without saying or thinking any negative thoughts about yourself. When you start to use a negative word write it down and at the end of the day take a look at all of the negative words you use and how many times you use them in one day. You may be shocked about how much you put yourself down and call yourself names.  Would you even think about saying these words to someone else? How would they feel?

It's up to you to bring love to yourself. You've heard the saying you can't love someone else until you love yourself. This is so true girlfriend. 

I have battled the game of loving myself vs being my own worst bully. I have spent years doing for others......always for others. The last few years I have finally made it to a place/time in my life where I have been able to shift gears and not feel totally responsible to others happiness. This lead me to staring at myself in the mirror........then introducing myself to me. 

I had questions for that woman in the mirror. 

  1. Who are you?
  2. What do you enjoy?
  3. What do you need?
  4. What do you want?
  5. What do you dream for?
  6. What am I going to do with you?

These questions were not easy to answer. Actually. I'm still trying to answer them. All of these questions lead me to search for some answers. The answers I was talking about in the last post.

I know there are many of you who have looked in the mirror and saw a total stranger who you had no idea what to do with. But. You want to get to know her and love her. I know this is what I want.

I want to stop self loathing. I want to stop being self disappointment. I want to stop feeling regret. I want to stop feeling shame. I want to stop feeling unloved. I bet you're nodding your head right now and saying hell yeah me too.

A little more homework for you....... right now pick up your phone and text 6 friends/family and ask them "what are my good qualities or what am I good at?"

This will give you an idea about what others see in you. Now, ask yourself why you don't see these same qualities. You probably are having a difficult time answering this question, I know I did. 

So babes it's time to break down the walls that are holding us back from loving ourself. It's time to open our heart to ourself. It's time to start living a happy and full life. It's time to say I Love You to that woman in the mirror.

I was searching for answers when I found a pod cast that is rockin it with answers for me. I've been listening (pretty much non stop....except to sleep) to Vanessa and Brooke's pod cast Bliss and Grit  and pretty much they are talking directly to me or at least it sure seems that they are. Needing some help with fear, acceptance, healing and a shit ton of others very important issues that are holding you back then these gals are for you.

Babes love yourself......it's up to you and you only to make this happen.

Please share in the comments how your homework turned out: 1) listing all the nasty negative words you use on yourself in one day. 2) the qualities your friends share with you. I can't wait to hear your results.

xoxo