Self Love Confetti

Self Love Confetti is not a myth. It is not an exaggeration....nope, not all. Over at www.theonyxfeather.com/blog I'm hashing out all the dirt on my self love experience.

I've been hearing the words self love being thrown around like confetti lately.

What the hell is self love anyways?

What I've found is self love can mean many things.

Some may say self love is:
>> having a spa day
>> having a lunch date with a friend
>> shopping for a new outfit
>> spending the day doing absolutely nothing
>> getting a new hairstyle
>> buying something special

I'm throwing a little spin to this "self love" confetti.

This week I've been lost.
I've been resisting.......big time.
I've been having doubt.
I've been struggling y'all.

So what did I do?!?

Of course I sat my happy ass down at my computer and started searching.

What did I search for? Honestly, I was totally hitting the keys like a mad woman. I knew I was in a pickle and I needed to pull myself out of this mess and it needed to happen quickly.

You see I have a shit ton of things (some I can't go into right now) that I'm dealing with. "Things" that will change my life in so many ways that it's scaring me to death. Scaring me so much that I feel that every thing is closing in on me and fast. I'm feeling like it's hard to breath like I can't fill my lungs with enough air.

How do this relate to self love....bare with me, I'm getting there.

What I was searching for was an answer. But not just an answer like "do this and all things will be fine". No. I was searching for a change. A way to change my thoughts that would shift my concerns from worry to acceptance.

Primarily because this was not the first time I've been smothered by doubt that lead to fear and sleepless nights.

I knew I needed a system....not sure if this is the best word to describe what I was needing but it's the word I'll use for now.

The biggest problem with all of this is.......I give advice everyday to people who find theirselves in this very same place. But. I was not able to help myself. I tried, I tried real hard. I even tried to remove myself from the situation and look into my struggles as if I was giving advice to another and I was still unsuccessful in helping me finding a solution. I found myself pretty much having a full blown argument going back and fourth from "I got this figured out" to "are you kidding me that will never work".

What I did:

  • I downloaded mediation recordings.
  • I downloaded apps with motivation quote alarms (which are pretty cool).
  • I downloaded a motivation podcast.

I set up a quiet place to meditate. I woke up to motivational talks. I started to listen to the motivation podcast (which I didn't like, the narrator wasn't my style and I couldn't connect).

I still didn't have what I needed. But. I thought I would wake up for a week with the motivational talks. I would mediate every night for the next 7 days. I would grab my mat and start back to my yoga practice.

So two days in to this madness I had a hair appointment. A scheduled appointment not a self love moment (or maybe it was). My hair artist and I always have very deep conversations when I'm in her chair. This day was a really deep conversation day. The crazy thing is she began talking about this podcast she had been listening to. A podcast that lead her to go to a retreat. A retreat that she thought I would have really enjoyed.

She kept talking and I kept listening. She shared the name of the podcast with me and I quickly downloaded it so I could get started right away.

This is where the "self love" comes in.

I started listening to this new found podcast which starts out saying "Hello beautifuls" who wouldn't love that intro. Within 24 hours I had listened to over 9 hours of two gals speaking words I needed to hear. Words that gave me more space to breathe. 

I felt that I was giving myself so much "self love" listening to this podcast. I started giving myself grace to feel some fear and that it's ok to do so. I felt the chains that have been holding me back had been broken.

I'm not all the way to where I need to be but I'm getting there.

I need this "self love" for so many reasons and one of those is to release my creativity from the grips of chaos. I'm giving myself grace to pause and breathe and to listen to the silence because the silence always has so much to say if we only stop and listen.

Self love comes in many forms treat yourself however you feel you need to and savor every minute of it.

The podcast that helped me give myself "self love" is Bliss and GritDownload and enjoy.

xoxo

 


Mind Management - Dreams and Desires

Dream Stealer

Did you know that making excuses steal your dreams? Whaaaat? Dream stealer?!?!?! No. Wait a minute. Isn't is suppose to be dream catcher.  It's really difficult to catch your dreams when you may be burying them beneath your doubts. 

Dreams. Desires. Doubt. Where's your priority?

Triple D's

Dreams. Desires. Doubt. This 3-step process is one that you go through whenever you start setting goals and are wanting to make changes in your life. Go get a shovel ladies......you will need it to dig yourself out of this heap of a mess. What I mean by this is you must change your thoughts about your circumstances. Toss those negative thoughts that we are going to call doubts out of your head. 

When you're dreaming of .....fill in the blank here.... and your dream becomes a desire it's time to put on the boxing gloves. Your opponent in this match is YOU. Yes. YOU. When you start doubting your ability, your courage, your dream then get those gloves on and fight for what you desire. Don't let doubt win. Don't make excuses. Don't ignore your desires. Don't stop fighting.  Allow yourself to dream!!              

Time To Get Reacquainted With You

Spend some time getting to know yourself; really know yourself. Dig deep here, ladies. We tend to put everyone else before ourselves. That's not a terrible choice however, we must be a bit selfish and spend time on getting in touch with ourselves.

  • What are your TRUE desires?
  • Are you clear on your priorities?
  • Are you aware of your thinking?
  • Any trash thoughts holding you up?
  • Have you cleared your mind?
  • Are you making excuses?

Your Desires Are Important....To You

Write down your desires. Remember. This is important. Your desires. Not. Your spouse/partner, children, friend, co-worker, the lady down the street......okay you get the idea. Yours and yours alone. Write those bitches down.

Commit to your decision(s)/goal(s). Tap into that emotion.  You don't have to justify the WHY. You decide. Are you going to honor your desires/dreams or your doubt?? 

Fa Getta Bout It

Clear up your priorities. What is really important to you to take care of immediately?  If your phone rings or your phone alerts you that you have a new text do you nearly break a leg to get to your phone...... Lord, I hope not. Seriously, unless you're an on call doctor........fa getta bout it. Let the damn thing ring and go to voice-mail. Handle that shit later. Especially if you're having "me time" or spending some fun filled time with the fam or your BF.

Don't let technology rule your world. Enjoy and embrace time with yourself and others. Too many people are so wrapped up in their social media life that they totally miss. What is right. Smack. In front of them. Don't be that person that missed an amazing precious moment because you were updating your status. Really. That's dumb.

Meaningful Things are Key

So now that you're confused about your priorities. My bad. I know. I know. I know. Technology/social media is the WHY for a lot of you #girlbosses.......alls I'm saying here is give yourself a break and enjoy some quiet time. Listen to nature and the beautiful sounds around you. Take a moment to breathe in some fresh air. Take a moment to be still. Take a moment to let go. When you give your beautiful self these moments you'll find that you have cleared some fog and have unsurfaced some amazing thoughts. Thoughts that you can/will be your tools to bring your dream to real time. 

Important key here should be.........meaningful things. Here it goes. Are you ready. Your desires should be a priority. Self coaching....meditation....yoga.....long walks.....glass of Reisling... anything that will clear the trash thoughts. Write your goals. Take action. Enjoy the results.

Things that take up your precious time that are not urgent should not override the importance of your priorities.

Set Some Time Aside For You

You may (and most likely need to) set aside a specific time for yourself to work on:

  1. Your goals
  2. Your priorities
  3. Clearing your mind to be void of trash thoughts
  4. Getting back in touch with yourself

This may sound frivolous. But. Aren't you worth it?? Just a few hours a week ........or more if you can dig up the time.........can give you many hours of happiness.

I'm a Dragon Slayer..yep, true story

I love my time sitting at home alone just thinking, being thankful, enjoying the quiet, breathing,  dancing, singing, and loving the moment. It's such a feel good time for me and I totally connect with me. I listen to what is spinning around in my head. I figure shit out. I take action. I breathe. I love myself. It gets emotional sometimes.....and I'm okay with that. I own it. No self loathing from this girl. I'm way past that in my life. Not to say it doesn't rear it's ugly head at times. And when it does.....I'm like a dragon slayer, yes, I just said that........I take control and win every time. Some days I slay more than others....but in the end I win.

Dragon Slayers Unite

Time to take a stand ladies and become the Bad Ass Bitches that you are. Time to stop taking shit from people... including yourself. Slay self loathing when it shows up. Slay doubt when it interferes with your dreams. Slay that big ass Dragon and show it you will not accept anything less.  Be willing to go after your desires. 

You got this. Breathe and let go of the negative. 

xoxo Tisa 

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Mind Management - Believe in Yourself

Get Yourself Some Wings Girl

Your belief in yourself is one big powerful tool. That tool may be a sledge hammer if you don’t have positive beliefs in yourself. Or, that tool may be wings that take you to amazing places and experiences. I know which I want. Wings, please I want the wings. 

What might be holding you back?

Nothing is Stopping You......... Trust Me

Have you ever had to deal with something extremely difficulty and then when it was all over you felt a huge relief and suddenly felt lighter? Or, that moment you get the best news ever? Those moments feel so amazing, right? The catcher here is that there’s nothing stopping you from having way more of these moments. Nothing. But you. Nobody else is in charge of this but you.

Your Thoughts Are Holding You Back

Your thoughts. That is what's holding you back, pinning you down like you can't move. Just because you think you are:

  • Unworthy
  • Fat
  • Ugly
  • Too tall/short 
  • Not smart enough 
  • Not creative enough
  • Not likeable/lovable 
  • Too broke

Doesn’t mean that you are any of these things!!! You have control over what you think and/or believe.

Your thoughts are your belief and will determine your results. Think about this one a bit. You’ve heard the saying and have probably said it a time or two “you are what you eat,” this can also be suggested with your thoughts “you are what you believe.” You keep on telling yourself you're not good enough....then you probably won't be. So. Stop it. That's the worst excuse ever. EVER. If you never take action how do you know if you're not good enough.

Ask Yourself 

  1. What do you want to believe?
  2. Do you believe you can achieve your goal(s)?
  3. Do you believe your past controls/makes your future?
  4. Do you believe others control your outcome?

You need to start with deciding what you want to believe. Then practice what you want to believe.

About you. About your life. About your family. About your career. About your health.

You have a life. Repeat the following:

I have a life. I have a life. I have a life . Now smile.

Remember Those Goals

Pull your goal list out(the one you worked on in Goal Setting part 1 and part 2) and reconnect. Read it. Read it again and this time out loud. Believe it. Believe in you.

When you truly believe. You will take action and will achieve your goal(s).

It’s just as easy to believe you will achieve your goals as it is to believe you won’t.

List Time

Make a list of positive words about you. Here’s an example of my list. Write down - don't type it -  what you want to believe (your handwriting speaks way louder to you than a bunch of typed words on a piece of paper). No matter how big or how small. You own this list. Be the boss of this list. Don't hold anything back. Get it all out there.

  • I am a smart women
  • I am a beautiful human being 
  • There are others that may need my help
  • I will get in shape 
  • I will be debt free in 5 years
  • I am capable 
  • I have the ability 
  • I will do yoga at least 3 times a week 
  • People want to change

Take your list and tape it where you can see it and practice these thoughts for 30 days. 

Think about your life as Amazing! Love yourself! Get to know yourself! Commit to your goal(s)! Stop making excuses! Be aware of your thinking! Clean up your mind! Life isn’t as serious as your mind makes it to be! Love yourself more!

I’m your biggest fan! I love you. I am so proud of you. I know this is not easy and if you’ve made it this far in this series without giving up, woohoo! Time to celebrate girl! Time to live the life you deserve. Time to try out your wings. Soar above the trees and feel the freedom and the clarity!

Now, take a moment to relax and take a deep belly breath, hold, exhale deeply and noisily. Repeat 2 more times. Smile. Release negative thoughts. Welcome positive thoughts.

Till next time ladies, love yourself fully!

Xoxo Tisa

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