Self-Love Is Your Responsibility

Don't short change your happiness by falling short on showing yourself self-love. Head over and see what I'm chatting about on the blog at www.theonyxfeather.com/blog

Definition of self-love: self ˈləv, noun

  1. regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).

Interesting how closely related self-love can be to narcissistic behavior. It's like flipping the coin. You either love yourself and are able to love others or you love yourself.

Narcism is a whole other topic for another day when I have the strength to jump on that emo train.

My last post I gave some of my own insight on the topic of self-love and I feel that I gave it a vague meaning....and well to be honest a half assed meaning to self-love. I sorta cheated the whole self-love concept. By that, I mean that I was focused on what one can go and do for themselves that I completely missed the biggest and most important part of practicing self-love.

So I again posed the question to whoever was listening and this is what I further gathered. My very dear and wise friend Nicki poked me and reminded me that self-love is more than buying ones love. She stated, for her self-love is learning to love yourself, accept who you are, learning and loving who you are and your self worth.

Nicki is exactly right. We can hit the salon, buy a new trinket, or pamper are selves all day long but if we haven't excepted ourself for who we are and haven't learned to love ourself...flaws and all then all of those special activities we are treating ourself to will not feel like a beautiful fulfilling treat if we don't love ourself.

Having a positive opinion about yourself and being confident about who you are is the foundation to self-love. To happiness. To growth.

Where do you begin in this self-love journey? What does it look like? Sounds kinda woo woo.....maybe a little.

You can start with changing your thoughts and the words you use to describe yourself and your accomplishments. Begin replacing negative words with positive words. Give it a try tomorrow. Go all day without saying or thinking any negative thoughts about yourself. When you start to use a negative word write it down and at the end of the day take a look at all of the negative words you use and how many times you use them in one day. You may be shocked about how much you put yourself down and call yourself names.  Would you even think about saying these words to someone else? How would they feel?

It's up to you to bring love to yourself. You've heard the saying you can't love someone else until you love yourself. This is so true girlfriend. 

I have battled the game of loving myself vs being my own worst bully. I have spent years doing for others......always for others. The last few years I have finally made it to a place/time in my life where I have been able to shift gears and not feel totally responsible to others happiness. This lead me to staring at myself in the mirror........then introducing myself to me. 

I had questions for that woman in the mirror. 

  1. Who are you?
  2. What do you enjoy?
  3. What do you need?
  4. What do you want?
  5. What do you dream for?
  6. What am I going to do with you?

These questions were not easy to answer. Actually. I'm still trying to answer them. All of these questions lead me to search for some answers. The answers I was talking about in the last post.

I know there are many of you who have looked in the mirror and saw a total stranger who you had no idea what to do with. But. You want to get to know her and love her. I know this is what I want.

I want to stop self loathing. I want to stop being self disappointment. I want to stop feeling regret. I want to stop feeling shame. I want to stop feeling unloved. I bet you're nodding your head right now and saying hell yeah me too.

A little more homework for you....... right now pick up your phone and text 6 friends/family and ask them "what are my good qualities or what am I good at?"

This will give you an idea about what others see in you. Now, ask yourself why you don't see these same qualities. You probably are having a difficult time answering this question, I know I did. 

So babes it's time to break down the walls that are holding us back from loving ourself. It's time to open our heart to ourself. It's time to start living a happy and full life. It's time to say I Love You to that woman in the mirror.

I was searching for answers when I found a pod cast that is rockin it with answers for me. I've been listening (pretty much non stop....except to sleep) to Vanessa and Brooke's pod cast Bliss and Grit  and pretty much they are talking directly to me or at least it sure seems that they are. Needing some help with fear, acceptance, healing and a shit ton of others very important issues that are holding you back then these gals are for you.

Babes love yourself......it's up to you and you only to make this happen.

Please share in the comments how your homework turned out: 1) listing all the nasty negative words you use on yourself in one day. 2) the qualities your friends share with you. I can't wait to hear your results.

xoxo


Self Love Confetti

Self Love Confetti is not a myth. It is not an exaggeration....nope, not all. Over at www.theonyxfeather.com/blog I'm hashing out all the dirt on my self love experience.

I've been hearing the words self love being thrown around like confetti lately.

What the hell is self love anyways?

What I've found is self love can mean many things.

Some may say self love is:
>> having a spa day
>> having a lunch date with a friend
>> shopping for a new outfit
>> spending the day doing absolutely nothing
>> getting a new hairstyle
>> buying something special

I'm throwing a little spin to this "self love" confetti.

This week I've been lost.
I've been resisting.......big time.
I've been having doubt.
I've been struggling y'all.

So what did I do?!?

Of course I sat my happy ass down at my computer and started searching.

What did I search for? Honestly, I was totally hitting the keys like a mad woman. I knew I was in a pickle and I needed to pull myself out of this mess and it needed to happen quickly.

You see I have a shit ton of things (some I can't go into right now) that I'm dealing with. "Things" that will change my life in so many ways that it's scaring me to death. Scaring me so much that I feel that every thing is closing in on me and fast. I'm feeling like it's hard to breath like I can't fill my lungs with enough air.

How do this relate to self love....bare with me, I'm getting there.

What I was searching for was an answer. But not just an answer like "do this and all things will be fine". No. I was searching for a change. A way to change my thoughts that would shift my concerns from worry to acceptance.

Primarily because this was not the first time I've been smothered by doubt that lead to fear and sleepless nights.

I knew I needed a system....not sure if this is the best word to describe what I was needing but it's the word I'll use for now.

The biggest problem with all of this is.......I give advice everyday to people who find theirselves in this very same place. But. I was not able to help myself. I tried, I tried real hard. I even tried to remove myself from the situation and look into my struggles as if I was giving advice to another and I was still unsuccessful in helping me finding a solution. I found myself pretty much having a full blown argument going back and fourth from "I got this figured out" to "are you kidding me that will never work".

What I did:

  • I downloaded mediation recordings.
  • I downloaded apps with motivation quote alarms (which are pretty cool).
  • I downloaded a motivation podcast.

I set up a quiet place to meditate. I woke up to motivational talks. I started to listen to the motivation podcast (which I didn't like, the narrator wasn't my style and I couldn't connect).

I still didn't have what I needed. But. I thought I would wake up for a week with the motivational talks. I would mediate every night for the next 7 days. I would grab my mat and start back to my yoga practice.

So two days in to this madness I had a hair appointment. A scheduled appointment not a self love moment (or maybe it was). My hair artist and I always have very deep conversations when I'm in her chair. This day was a really deep conversation day. The crazy thing is she began talking about this podcast she had been listening to. A podcast that lead her to go to a retreat. A retreat that she thought I would have really enjoyed.

She kept talking and I kept listening. She shared the name of the podcast with me and I quickly downloaded it so I could get started right away.

This is where the "self love" comes in.

I started listening to this new found podcast which starts out saying "Hello beautifuls" who wouldn't love that intro. Within 24 hours I had listened to over 9 hours of two gals speaking words I needed to hear. Words that gave me more space to breathe. 

I felt that I was giving myself so much "self love" listening to this podcast. I started giving myself grace to feel some fear and that it's ok to do so. I felt the chains that have been holding me back had been broken.

I'm not all the way to where I need to be but I'm getting there.

I need this "self love" for so many reasons and one of those is to release my creativity from the grips of chaos. I'm giving myself grace to pause and breathe and to listen to the silence because the silence always has so much to say if we only stop and listen.

Self love comes in many forms treat yourself however you feel you need to and savor every minute of it.

The podcast that helped me give myself "self love" is Bliss and GritDownload and enjoy.

xoxo