Are You Enough?
Are there days when you feel so damn frustrated with life and wonder “am I enough”? Am I enough for those around me? Am I enough for me?
I know I’ve been thinking this lately. Especially since my granddaughter was born and I sit back and watch my daughter interact with her daughter. I see the commitment she makes to give “quality” time to her and to make sure she knows that she’s important and loved.
As I watch this interaction with mother and daughter I think back to when my daughter was young and I was a single mom trying to figure all the sh*t out. Of course our circumstances are different she’s married and has her husbands support financially and around the house and she’s a successful business entrepreneur. Not that this makes motherhood easy peasy but it’s very helpful.
I was on my own working my a** off at a job I didn’t like and making all the decisions for our household and what would be best for her.
I worked long hard hours for most if not all of her younger years. At the time I felt this is what I needed to do. For our survival. To ensure we had what we needed but most importantly what she needed.
I did eventually remarry but I continued to hold onto that survival mode. It was like I was locked into survival mode and couldn’t escape it. As a couple he and I were financially secure and I was able to do things and provide for my daughter things that I couldn’t even consider before, like going to a movie, going out to eat, going on a vacation….and yes, buying toilet paper and mac and cheese because I didn’t have to choose between the two anymore.
But I couldn’t shake the feeling I needed to do more for her and for our future. Even though I had shifted from working 6 days/60 hours to working 4-5 days and 30-40 hours (and was told I didn’t need to work at all if I didn’t want to) it didn’t feel that I was doing enough. That’s when I started designing and selling jewelry. I would work all week, then I would sell all weekend. Rinse and Repeat, week after week for several years.
Looking back I think I struggled with needing to know I was doing enough to provide for my daughter and that without a doubt I would always be able to provide for her no matter what. Whether I was married or single.
Forward to the present. I know she was provided for. She always had what she needed. She was healthy and happy…… and that’s where I pause. Happy? Was she happy? Did I spend too much time working? Did I force her to grow up too fast? Was I there enough for her?
Just when doubt tried to plant it’s seed my daughter posted the following instagram post and my eyes swelled up with tears and those tears fell down my cheeks as I read the words on her recollection of her childhood.
The relief I felt after reading these words gave me the affirmation I needed…..I was enough. I am enough. I did good…..freakin good.
I am so proud of my daughter and the wonderful human and mother she is. I can now pull the plug on self doubt that I wasn’t enough and that I should have been more. This post is a testimonial to me from her that I was enough.
When you’re doubting if you’re ENOUGH pause and breath knowing if you’re dong the best you can in the circumstance you’re in……then YOU ARE ENOUGH.